Talking about manipulative parents is tough, but it’s a necessary conversation if we want to live happier lives, free from the shadows of our past.
Some people are lucky enough to have parents who genuinely want the best for them—parents who would go to any lengths to ensure their child’s happiness and safety. But others grow up in an environment where they feel more like a burden than a blessing, used and judged from the moment they were born. They feel unworthy of love, of happiness, and grow up expecting the bare minimum from life.
If you’re one of those people, I am deeply sorry. You deserved a better childhood. But if it brings any comfort, I didn’t have a perfect one either. I grew up under constant judgment, where even the way I walked, talked, or made decisions felt like a mistake. It made me feel small and unworthy.
This shaped my personality in a way that made me retreat into myself. I became quiet, walked with my head down, and was afraid of everyone. Loneliness and hurt were constant companions.
I used to look at others, jealous of their lives—lives where they were loved and appreciated by their parents. It hurt, I know that pain well.
But at some point, I made a choice. I decided to stop accepting the bare minimum, to stop letting my upbringing define my worth. I realized that I deserve the world, that nothing is too good for me. Whatever I want, it’s already mine.
And you can do the same. It starts with freeing yourself from their control and stopping the cycle of hurt.
Create boundaries
The first thing a manipulative parent will likely do is try to strip away your boundaries until there’s nothing left to protect you from them. This makes you vulnerable, easy to control, and predictable in their eyes.
But here’s the truth: you can rebuild those boundaries—stronger than ever. Boundaries that will protect you not just from others but from the doubts inside yourself. It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking, “They’re my parents, they must want what’s best for me,” but this is where we often become our own enemies. We convince ourselves that following their wishes is for our own good, even when it isn’t.
What you need to do is create a clear, red line—a space that allows you to breathe, think, and make decisions for yourself. Here’s how to start setting those boundaries:
- Say no when you need to. Don’t let guilt pressure you into agreeing with them.
- Stand firm in your opinions. Don’t let their views override your own.
- Defend yourself. Be your own advocate, especially when no one else will
- Show respect, but assert your decisions. It’s possible to respect them while standing your ground.
- Don’t fear disappointment. Their expectations shouldn’t dictate your life.
- Put yourself first. Prioritize your well-being, even when it’s hard.
- Embrace standing alone. Strength comes from independence.
- Reward your progress. Every step toward self-respect is worth celebrating.
- Don’t accept gaslighting. Trust your reality and intuition.
- Never accept harm. Emotional or physical harm is never okay, no matter the relationship.
- Be unwavering in your decisions. Show them how serious you are about protecting your space.
Drawing these lines isn’t easy, especially with manipulative parents, but doing so will give you the freedom to live life on your own terms. If you need further help with boundaries, the book Boundaries is a great resource to guide you on this journey.
Journal your feelings
When you’re dealing with manipulative parents and have no one to support you, your only therapy may be yourself. I understand that therapy isn’t always affordable, especially for those of us who come from difficult circumstances. But that’s not a reason to delay your healing—you can start now, on your own.
Journaling is a great tool. It doesn’t have to look polished like the versions romanticized on social media. Just write down your feelings, even if it’s one sentence a day. Healing from manipulative parents doesn’t have to be perfect—it just has to be real.
Remember, once you start healing, you’ll find the strength to move forward. This isn’t about fancy tools or perfect systems. What matters is that you use what you already have. Stop giving yourself excuses; they only deepen the pain.
Everyone heals differently. While someone might write pages, another person might find healing in a few well-chosen words. Don’t copy others’ styles—healing from manipulative parents is a personal journey. Let it flow naturally, without forcing it. Your body and soul will tell you what they need.
True healing happens when we stop looking for answers outside ourselves. Tune into your needs, listen to your emotions, and you’ll find the answers you’ve been searching for.
Stop having a victim mindset
Stop giving others power over you, even if they are your parents. This is your life—not theirs. Don’t let yourself fade into the background of your own story. Take control and live it.
You are the main character. Yes, it will be hard, but it’s your life to live. So, stop adopting a victim mindset. Nothing is happening to you unless you let it. You have more control than you think.
The pain you feel comes from allowing someone else to take your role in your life. By giving away your power, you feel helpless. That’s why things seem so hard. No one can be you—only you can create the joy you seek.
Your manipulative parents don’t control you unless you allow them to. They can’t hurt you unless you give their words power. The reason their insults sting is that you’ve let them in. You have the choice to mute their words. The volume is in your hands.
Remember, you are not powerless! You’re more powerful than you realize. You can achieve great things. Your parents don’t define you; they don’t know your full potential. Only God knows the power within you, and He knows you’re capable of greatness.
So, stop letting anyone, even your manipulative parents, stop you from rising and radiating with all the incredible energy within you. Take your power back, and let nothing stand in your way!
Start your self-love journey
Since you’ll be spending so much time with yourself, it’s essential to love the person you’re going to be with for the rest of your life. Manipulative parents often try to belittle you, making you hate yourself so you’ll depend on them for approval. This gives them control.
To break free, you must fall deeply in love with who you truly are. Accept yourself—scars, quirks, and all. This doesn’t mean you can’t grow, but it does mean being okay with who you are now.
You are the one who has survived the tough times. You’ve carried yourself through pain, and you’ve fought for this moment. If you hadn’t, you wouldn’t be here today. The least you can do is love and appreciate the person who has gotten you this far, right?
For once, let that version of you feel loved. Those scars—visible or not—are proof of how hard you’ve fought. Give yourself a chance to feel love and acceptance. Be the person who shows genuine love to the self that was often neglected in the process of caring for everyone else.
Show yourself some love:
- Create a romantic night routine for yourself
- Get obsessed with yourself and your goals
- Put yourself first without apology
- Work on your dreams and passions
- Connect with your sensual side
- Be assertive when necessary
- Practice daily affirmations
- Listen to self-love podcasts
- Give yourself full attention and make life about you
- Don’t be afraid to hurt those who try to bring you down
- Let those who bring you down fear your strength
- Take care of your body and invest in your growth
It’s time to take back your power and love yourself fully.
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