Not everyone has the same childhood as another; we all come from different backgrounds. Some of us were cherished and loved like royalties, while others were imprisoned and beaten like criminals.
If you have come from an abusive house, you may have found right now that it is so difficult for you to be understood or accepted in this society. Most people come from homes where they were treated and raised with fewer punishments.
I am sure you clicked on this post because you are tired of watching others live, thrive, and be happy while you observe all this without anything for your own.
Unfortunately, we live in a world where people are either going to tell you to just ‘heal’ and become normal, or become a victim and blame everything that happens to you on your past.
In my experience, none of these have given me any results that satisfied me; I couldn’t just ‘heal’ and forget everything that haunted little me because, at the time when all this happened, my body was under construction. These pieces became part of me, so I cannot just let them go; they are me.
Blaming my parents, shouting at them, getting outside of the home, and being a human without a family wouldn’t make me happy or satisfy me.
So, in this post, I will try my best to give you solutions that will help satisfy you since yes, you are a victim of all of that, but that doesn’t mean you should give up on life and just cry. Instead, you will learn how to live with this part of yourself while leading the healthy and satisfying lifestyle you deserve.
What makes parents abuse their children
To start understanding this situation, we need to understand the reason why some parents would go as far as to abuse their children, who they very much know are unable to protect themselves or understand this world.
Parents who are known to abuse their children may claim that this is for the child’s good, that they love them, and that is why they hit them. In reality, some parents believe that their children are their property, so they feel like they can do whatever they want to them.
In other words, they see their children as slaves they own; that is because they may know that they feed them, put a roof on their heads, help them understand this world, and so on.
This power, being in the wrong hands (people who are very insecure and hate this world), may find this the easy way to get their anger out of them, and that is by attacking the innocent child that can do nothing but cry, and they frame this all as ‘it was for their good’.
People who lack control of their lives tend to use force on those who are helpless; this helps them feel powerful and in control of something (or someone).
I have noticed this with myself when I watched fathers who shout or beat their children or wives; they lack confidence and power in society; they normally are poor and ‘unimportant’ in their surroundings, and most people look down on them, and this triggers anger within them; they feel like they need to send this energy somewhere, either to their children or even their partner.
It makes them feel powerful, strong, and someone to fear—something they crave when people surround them. They want to be seen and respected, and so this is their way of grabbing attention from others; they hurt a child to feel like they are strong and have something to fear.
They pay no mind at all to how this may affect the child or harm them not only at the moment but for the rest of their lives.
These people are manipulative; they abuse their power and are often sick. So, if you were a victim of all of this, I deeply apologize for all you have to face just to be where you are today.
And I know that people don’t see that; they don’t know your survival is the greatest thing that you have ever done; they only judge; they do not understand the lifestyle you came from, so I apologize to them.
They are naive to all of this, and that may make you feel jealous, hateful, and insecure around them. It becomes so hard for you to just connect with people; that is why it is BS to just heal and become the best version of yourself; if it were that easy, we wouldn’t be suffering this badly.
Our brains are quite smart; they are searching for every solution to help you heal and become happy. And that is why this journey is hard.
It is hard; you need to acknowledge that and understand that it will take time. But no matter what, you will keep wearing your armor and survive, even if no one knows about it.
Even if they don’t acknowledge that you are indeed a hero who survived a battle that is larger than you. So I congratulate you for being alive.
And if you succeeded in coming out of that with a good heart too, then you are a miracle. You should start loving yourself and celebrating your wins.
That is why reading this post will teach you how to heal yourself after living with abusive parents. Because that is something we don’t often hear around. Loving yourself as a normal person is so different than loving yourself after going through trauma.
You are more sensitive, and you have to be extra gentle with yourself. So here we go. Let’s say goodbye bye to self-hatred and insecurity!
How to heal after surviving parental abuse
To start healing, you would need to start by accepting where you are right now, and that means you need to embrace the harsh truth that you have been wronged and hurt by those who were supposed to love you dearly.
Accepting the ugly truth of parental abuse
To do so, you will need to reach out to your old memories and give yourself proof of the fact that you have gone through a lot in your childhood.
This happened to me when I started my 20s. I was thinking a lot about my life and why things weren’t going according to my plans. The truth was, I couldn’t become the person that could live that life because I had unfinished business with my past.
In order for me to start creating the life I wanted, I needed to make peace with my past, and if you are feeling the same way, then you need to accept your past as it is. Stop trying to decorate it; it is done, and there is no way of changing it.
The only power you have today is the way you respond to it; you cannot dismiss it; the damage is already done; you cannot heal from an accident by forgetting it happened; you heal from it by accepting that you have gone through something terrible; accept the flashbacks; cry and journal everything that you have to say about it; allow the pain to come; hug it; that is little you, in pain and unable even to express themselves.
You are responsible for their happiness; they have kept you alive, and that is the greatest thing a child can ever do. She or he was just trying to survive; they couldn’t afford to cry. Can you imagine that you dismiss them after they have protected you from more pain? Are you being abusive and ungrateful to them as well?
So, remember them; they are your heroes. Talk to them either by journaling, meditating, or crying at times. Give them some space in your time, and show them how grateful you are to have them in that part of your life.
Do not dismiss them; it hurts even more; they need that pain to go out, not be trapped within you. And that is why you are not where you want to be yet.
That is why life isn’t as good as you wanted it to be. Because you need to cleanse yourself from all that pain. And the only way to do that is to feel it. All of it.
Embrace your uniqueness
Instead of fearing being different than anyone around you, use this as your power. Start seeing your problems as your power, use them to get where you want to go, and get what you want from this world.
The thing is, you didn’t go through all of that just to suffer; you are like that diamond that had to go through all the pressure to create its unique shape.
All this pain was meant to shape who you are today; if you didn’t go through that, you would never have the strength to be the person who can handle your future.
The future you’re going to create for yourself, the life that is so beautiful, and yours. One that no one before you could have created, or you would never be able to learn how to create it elsewhere.
It is those challenges and hardships that push us on the right path, the one we were always supposed to be.
If it wasn’t for all the trauma I went through, I would never have been able to help you guys or start my journey to heal and love myself without all the filters and products this world tries to sell me.
It is those moments when you cannot express your emotions to anyone that lead you to do something extraordinary to let those emotions out of you; this is how singers get their creativity, and so are artists and creators.
If each of us came from a healthy family, we would not seek change. I am not saying that it was good or parents should continue abusing their children to make them feel like they need to discover themselves, but what I mean is that when life gives you lemons, use them.
Create your flavors; let that be where you shine. Use your pain instead of running from it. The reason why some people never heal is because of resistance; they try to avoid their feelings and try to fit in with society, no matter what it takes, even when it costs them their happiness.
Instead, they can use this as their power to merge that pain into something beautiful, write a book, paint something, create something, invent a new meal, whatever it is that is calling to you. We who have suffered in our childhood have gifts that those ordinary people don’t.
That path that was painful and that made us cry a lot had shaped us somehow; it didn’t just hurt us; it gifted us as well.
You have power somewhere; make it your mission to find it. Get excited; believe me, it is something that would make you say ‘it was worth all the pain’ because it will get you places no one has ever dreamed or thought existed.
You are unique; embrace that. Your pain was just a process to prepare you for the important role you’re going to play on this planet. You are magnetic; you will see that once you stop resisting your uniqueness and start embracing it.
You will live them all in awe. I promise!
Be very gentle with yourself
Becoming the parent you always wanted to have, you were never allowed to be just a child, so you didn’t get the chance to express yourself in that way.
Right now is the perfect time for you to parent yourself and treat yourself like you would your baby. You need a loss of care and love to grow and thrive.
While others may find this shocking, your inner child needs to heal and be taken care of. You haven’t grown up yet, and that part of you is stuck and afraid; you need to be very gentle with it, or else you will find yourself exhausted and overwhelmed.
Let others rush all they want; your journey is entirely different; you will catch up to them later; right now you need to slow down. Let yourself be just a child, protect yourself from everything that can cause you harm, and let yourself enjoy the little things that bring your inner child joy.
Stop rushing things up; you are not allowing your inner self to grow, so while your normal routine would be to do some hard work, it has come a time to create a balanced routine.
One that wouldn’t anger your future self or hurt your current self. To live a thriving and happy life, you need to allow that wound to heal.
Rushing won’t get you anywhere, I promise; you will just open that wound, and it will take even more time for you to heal.
This can look like you entering a relationship and operating the same way you would as a child since that is the only way you know how. Your inner self is hurt and stuck, so the moment a problem appears, it is that inner child that would make the hard decisions. Every decision you will make will be out of fear. That can look like you pushing people away or attracting abusive partners and believing that is how relationships look like.
So do yourself a favor and just take time to slow down during your day and let yourself be a little child, enjoy the colors on your way, stay in bed a little longer, and take days off when you are tired. It’s okay, there is nothing out there, I promise you; nothing and no money could make you happy when there is a deep wound within you. That is why you may find it very hard to stay motivated because no relationship or product can heal you.
It’s only giving yourself time and attention that will help your mind come up with great solutions to cure your injuries.
To enjoy life, you need to be at peace, healed, and healthy. I am sorry to tell you this, but you are not. Unless that money can buy you freedom from your parents, do not expect it to heal you; you will be very disappointed.
Money is a tool, and even finding it, you need to be thinking with a healthy mind. So back to the healing process.
Slow down.
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