To all those of us who have suffered from a parent’s abonnement, whether it is physical, emotional, or both, we know the impact of losing a parent feels like to one. We know the struggle to keep up with friends who seem so relaxed and safe.
In this post, I would wish to help you live a normal successful life without worrying about missing out on something. I want to take away all the worry and assure you that you are enough exactly as you are.
So, let’s dive right in, bring that coffee, and let’s start!!
What causes parents to abandon their children
To solve a problem, we need to understand it. What can make someone leave their children behind or forget about them? What can be more important than raising your children and providing them with all the love in the world?
The truth is, no human could just leave their children for no good reason. Life is not just black and white. 90% of it is grey, you need to understand that they may not have done this intentionally.
Well… I am not saying that it’s okay what they did to you. No, but what if they had no choice? Understanding their situation will help you a lot when it comes to healing from this kind of trauma.
Sometimes it’s no one’s fault that everyone is trying to survive life in the best way they see for themselves. Even your parents, are just humans who are trying to raise you in the best way they think they can.
Sometimes they make mistakes, sometimes they think they cannot give you the life you deserve. You need to become more understanding rather than trying to blame others for your problems even if you believe that they played a huge role in creating them.
They are just humans like you who are trying to do their best, it’s their first time to be parents. I am not saying this to defend them but rather to get you out of that victim mindset to a hero that saved themselves.
Complaining won’t solve your problems, it is only digging you a hole to stay longer. Is that what you want?
Or would you wish to live a life feeling grateful and strong for all that you have gone through and where they have taken you?
Healing is a luxury that not many can afford, only those who are strong enough never to give up. We all have problems, but little of us end up healing and solving them.
Parent abandonment is one of the kinds that leaves a scar, one that no matter what we do here, won’t be easy to forget, there will always be triggers, but we aim to give you more control over your feelings. We give you a key to open and close that box that holds pain.
Pain is not a bad thing, we love it. We love sexual pain, hustling pain, and love pain, this one is the same. But if not controlled it may start controlling your life.
And that is what we fear, so we need that key to control it and channel it into something that benefits us. We will explain all of that later.
So now after knowing the causes of our parent’s abandonment.
why does being away from our parents affect our personality and life choices?
As humans, we seek the safety that only our parents can provide. Being away from any one of them can cause serious triggers to a child.
Safety is our brain’s number one priority. The reason why being abandoned by one’s parents can affect your decisions later is because you learned to protect yourself from the world at a very young age.
You are living in survival mode, you feel unsafe opening up. This is why attachment styles were discovered.
Some people learn to never open up to strangers in fear of being hurt, these are people who end up becoming avoidant. They never allow anyone to fully see them.
They would rather break up than take the risk of trusting someone.
On the other hand, some would become very anxious. They would hold onto anyone who showed them any interest at all.
These are people who seek others’ help whenever they find a situation in their lives. These are the people who are nowadays given the name ‘clingy’.
Many relationships have been destroyed because of this behavior. It is not intentionally someone not wanting to be hurt. They are all in survival mode.
Everyone is trying the best they can to live without being hurt. Again.
How can we heal from Parents' Abandonment?
First, you need to accept that you have gone through some trauma. That your parents weren’t able to give you all that you needed in your childhood.
Second, I want you to forgive them. They made a mistake, a very big one. One that you are going to carry all your life.
But dear you know what, forgiving them will take away that grudge in your heart. Maybe they don’t deserve forgiveness, I am with you there, but you deserve to heal and let go.
You cannot do that if you keep on holding onto it, you have to do this for yourself. You deserve to live happily.
You deserve a life that is filled with love and success, you deserve to be surrounded by people who understand you. You cannot do that if you keep on hiding from others fearing they to hurt you.
You need to forgive your parents so that you can move on, let go, and start a new page of your life. Forgive them, you don’t need to take them back.
You need to let them go. With no hate. Wish them good but it can be away from you.
Third, I want you to start documenting your days. Start journaling.
I want you to write down what happened every day and watch your actions very carefully. I want you to study yourself.
Ask yourself why you made certain decisions today. Why do you think someone is evil, why do you like a certain person?
Who makes you happy, what do they do to bring that emotion to you?
Heal yourself by seeing through your actions. Behind every action, there is a story. Study yourself from the roots.
If this is hard you can just go to therapy, but I thought that many of us cannot afford it. Journaling about your parent’s abandonment experience affecting your life is much more affordable and easier I believe since you are in a very sensitive position where it may be hard to just open up to a stranger.
Next, you need to get out of your comfort zone. You have been there for a very long time, and what did it give you so far?
Pain? Sadness? Anxiety? Pity?
If you are reading this then I am sure you are tired of that life and would like to see some change. Change doesn’t happen unless you do.
You have to change your routine, your goals, your habits, and your personality.
Everything has to change, you have to stop surviving and start living.
The only way to do that is to start trying new things and see how they make you feel. I want you to journal every experience whether it’s you doing something or meeting someone.
Try out hanging with new people, and be in different places. Try new styles, cook something you never did before.
Life has so much to offer, stop caging yourself with your past. It will only hurt you and get you sick.
Believe me, you are missing out a lot. Life is too good to be sad.
No one should have that power over you, not even your parents or yourself.
It’s time to free yourself, you are the only person who can do it. You have hurt yourself enough, it is time to let go and start glowing as you were meant to be.
This world needs you. Your skills are needed, you can save someone’s life and make it better, you staying where you are is not just hurting you but also others.
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