Hello there! I hope all is well, and if not, we are on this journey together so don’t ever feel like you are alone. Today I decided to talk about healing after facing sexual harassment. I know this topic is sensitive and not many may approach it so those of us who have gone through such trauma may feel lonely and hopeless.
That is the very reason that made me eager to talk about it, if it is affecting your life, it matters, it’s important and we NEED to discuss it.
My name is Ijlal if you are new here, then I would like to tell you I am a woman who had gone through a lot during my childhood, and because of those challenges, I was always feeling lonely, stupid, hopeless, and sometimes unworthy of love.
But thankfully I was never a person that gave up. So, I decided to fight my problems, face them, and understand things from the roots. I am a nerd when it comes to education, I love learning especially when something has to do with my self-development.
In this post, I will be brutally honest with you, and give you the hard love. Hold your hand through this journey so that we can all heal together and become stronger than we ever thought possible.
I am your BIG SISTER so if you ever feel like I made any mistakes or made you uncomfortable please do not hesitate to tell me in the comments and I will do my best to do whatever you wish to make you feel at home and for all to feel at peace. This should feel like being home with your sister and having a chat about life that may change your life, hopefully.
So, enough talk and let’s dive right into it!
Why do you need to heal after sexual harassment?
Healing after facing any threat is crucial because living in fear stops us from creating so much success for ourselves.
We cannot afford to let fear steal away all the happiness we could have experienced if we did not give it the power to lead our lives.
Hear me out, we will all die at the end. Fearing death won’t stop it. It will only stop us from living.
I know your body is trying to protect you, but taking away all the success you could have accomplished if you didn’t let it get in the way should not be an option either.
You need to heal from what you have gone through, which I can say is a lot for any human being. That way you can start making your life decisions with a clear mind.
You cannot change the past, but that doesn’t mean you should let it determine your future. Life is hard, you are going to face different types of people, and you need to fight through it all and live anyway.
You need to become your therapist, teacher, motivator, adviser, and anything you would need along the way.
It’s always gonna be YOU VS YOU. No one can tear you down unless you let them. So, will you allow such a fool who tried to do you harm to be the one controlling how much pleasure you allow into your life?
Because let’s be real, our brains would rather we be sad and safe than happy and at risk. Your mind would never allow you to be in that position. It believes you would be in harm’s way.
With all respect to our minds trying to protect us, life wasn’t made for us to hide from it. We all want to live, love and laugh.
Or so I believe. So if you wish to lead a life where you make cautious decisions that aren’t controlled by fear. Then dear healing from sexual harassment is an important step in your life right now.
Is it healable
Can someone forget about what had occurred in their life and all the triggers?
Absolutely no.
Does this mean we cannot heal from it?
It’s a no too.
We can all heal from anything this world throws at us, the key is to believe that you can. The mindset with which you are going to start your journey is gonna determine whether your attempt to heal is gonna succeed or not.
Everything is in your own hands, you are the only person that can take you away from all those hands that have touched you. I know it is hard.
But right now that is history but you are allowing it to live again and again in your present moment by remembering it over and over.
I know it is something huge, but letting it live is not doing you any favors.
The only thing that is succeeding is stealing away the moment you could be happily enjoying yourself. It is stealing away the life you could have if it didn’t occur.
Dear, it was not your fault that it happened to you. But you cannot say that it is not part of you. I know you didn’t want it, but you have to accept it to heal and move on.
Denying it would only waste more of your time and steal away your confidence every time you think of what your body has gone through.
It’s time to put an end to this and allow yourself the pleasure to heal and put this in the past where it occurred.
Leave it there with so much compassion and respect for yourself and your body that has protected you by taking all the pain alone.
How can one heal after sexual harassment?
Since now you know that it is healable but may not be forgettable. What would be asked of you is not gonna be easy.
You have to be strong for yourself to start a new chapter where you can look back at yourself when that happened with so much compassion and love toward your younger self who went through a lot to create who you are today.
Here is how you heal yourself after being forced into any sexual action that you wanted no part of.
Accepting that it happened
Running away from any problem will never reward you with a solution. You need to accept that you have been sexually harassed. Sorry for being so blunt with you but, you cannot change the past only the present is yours.
I want you to start by acknowledging that you have faced a threat and overpower it. You have reached a place in your life not only has it disappeared but also you wish to let it go.
You should be so proud of yourself for being so strong.
Most people would have lost hope by now, but you are a fighter. You won’t easily break, no. You will turn this into power and rise higher than you would have before it.
It is painful, but it is part of your past. It made you who you are today.
I believe that is something that is going to make you shine brighter than ever.
It’s hard, I know we all wish it had never happened. But wishing won’t change anything. It will only keep you from healing. So instead you should accept it.
For, accepting it would bring you power so that not only would you heal, but also become harder to break when the next obstacle is thrown your way.
You will be on your feet ready to fight.
Be compassionate with yourself
Be kind with your body, mind, soul, and heart. For, you have struggled a lot to keep yourself on this planet.
It is not easy, we are all surviving. Not many of us are living.
So, I want you to start showing love and kindness to yourself. After all that, you need to be your mother.
Give that love to yourself. Be very compassionate and love your body.
I know sexual abuse may make you hate your body. But what has it ever done to you?
All it did was protect you and take all the pain alone so that you could be safe.
The least you could do here is to show it some love. Respect it.
Be gentle with yourself. Stop criticizing your body, it is not dirty.
It was that person who had no shame that was dirty and disgusting for taking advantage of such a small human.
It’s unfair to blame yourself for what you have no control over. You should be gentle with yourself after all you have gone through.
You are the only person that was there to save you. You did all you could, it wasn’t something you could control.
Please allow yourself to love and be kind to your body. It doesn’t deserve to be treated like some dirt you wish to throw away.
Understand that it was never your fault
It was written to happen, as much as it may be a hard pill to swallow, God knew it was meant to happen so that you can become who you are meant to be. Someone who is strong compassionate and understanding.
Someone who understands pain and can find their way around it. He wanted to make you stronger, it wasn’t in a beautiful way. No.
But it was necessary to prepare yourself for what was coming in your life.
I know many of us may wonder why we had to go through things that are so painful when God is so kind and loving. It is because without that incident we would have never gained the skills needed to get where we want to be.
Being in that situation makes you more careful around others. You start to search for danger whenever you go.
This may be the key to helping you find your dream life.
It may also be the push you need to start your self-love journey, which may lead you to self-development and success in this life and the next one.
The reason Oprah is Oprah who we all love today is because of how compassionate and understanding she is when she is talking to anyone. That skill would have never been hers if she hadn’t gone through all the trauma and pain.
Her pain was the key to her success.
I know we all hate pain, but it is the only thing that would make you shine. Being comfortable will never change you. That is just the truth about life.
Your problems are the ones that make you you. Learn to embrace them and your uniqueness.
Stay compassionate toward yourself. This is your journey and it is not gonna be like everyone else.
Respect your body
Yes, it has been touched by an unwanted person. But, guess what, you didn’t ask for it.
It was not your fault, you cannot blame your body. It was just protecting you by taking all the pain alone, so learn to respect your body even after going through some sexual harassment.
You cannot change the past, but the future is in our hands. So, stop your criticism over your body and learn to love it for all the good it has brought into your life.
Do some shadow work
We all need someone to talk to after facing some trauma, however, speaking about being forced into any sexual act can be quite scary and embarrassing, we would rather forget about it and pretend it didn’t happen than face the truth that it had.
Shadow work is a great process to help you heal from sexual harassment, it allows you to understand the situation and how it has affected you as a person.
It may also help you find a solution that you could have found. So make it a habit to dive deep into answering some tough questions about that situation. Here are some I have gathered:
- What are the feelings I’ve been hiding from myself after the harassment?
- How has this experience changed the way I see myself?
- What fears do I now carry because of what happened?
- How has the harassment affected my trust in others?
- What do I need to forgive myself for to start healing?
This may help you understand yourself better after what you have gone through so that it will become easier to detect when you make decisions because of fear or because you wish to.
Start building new, healthy relationships
Getting to know new people isn’t just for fun, it is a process that will help you explore more things that you might have no idea about yourself. We don’t treat people the same, we deal with different energies in different ways.
So, hanging out with people who are not what we are used to may trigger us and make us feel uncomfortable, this is crucial for us to make sure that we are healing all areas that were affected by that incident and that we are not minimizing our friendship and community because of fear.
For you to heal, you need to explore all areas of your life, otherwise, you may start to think that you have healed while in reality, you are only hiding in a box fearing this world.
So get out of your comfort zone, and go meet people you feel uncomfortable being around. Those are the ones that would take you out of your cute little cocoon and drive you into this world.
They will guide you into your healing because every time around them you will notice something you dislike about your actions, by journaling and asking yourself serious questions you may give yourself the answers you need to make the right decisions in your life.
Listen dear, the more time you spend with those people who cannot see your pain or ignore it the more likely you are to ignore your pain and abandon yourself all because you wish to be around these people.
This act is easy but never right, you need to see new people. You need to learn more about yourself because every person is seeing new parts of yourself.
Learn self-defense
It’s normal for anyone to wish to protect themselves after facing such trauma. But, many choose to hide in self-defense.
My recommendation here would be for you to learn some fighting. Yup, you heard me right, this is a physical crime, you can only feel safe if you can defend yourself next time it occurs, which I hope will never happen again.
But it is better to be wrong than sorry, so be prepared to defend your body next time someone attempts to do you any harm.
Go to the gym or whatever and start training in any sport that seems to give you more power and strength.
This won’t just make sure the past doesn’t repeat but also reassures you that you have your own back. It also makes you love the body you have today more.
Because it has become untouchable.
Fall in love again with sex
Sex is supposed to be a source of pleasure. But since you have faced such an incident in your past, it is hard to view it in any way than harm.
So, you should not allow any human to steal away your joy just because they are cruel and uneducated.
Fools should never control your life, and by taking away that power from them you need to start loving sex again.
You can start small, find a patient partner, and touch them in ways that feel safe to you but you can still enjoy it.
Taking baby steps every single day will help you bring back the joy and pleasure of having sex with your partner while being confident in your body.
Get away from any person who wishes to rush into taking you in bed, this person was not meant for you. They will only trigger you and not allow you any sense of pleasure in that process.
Learn about those who had encountered sexual abuse and are now leading a successful life
Hearing about others who have faced the same problem in their lives can help quicken the process of healing. It will give you hope to one day become like them and succeed in this life while using your pain as the push you need to make your dream like yours.
It will also help feel less lonely and understood and give you another person’s perspective of that situation.
This will help you look at the act of sexual harassment you have faced differently. Something that would help you in the process of healing.
Start journaling and documenting your days
Watch how much progress you are making by documenting every single day. This is important to not only make sure that you are healing but also understand where you are standing at the moment.
It will help you see how much change has happened and how strong you are for handling it so well.
This will help you create a strong bond with your inner self, something that would help a lot to heal sexual harassment incidents.
Do more of what you are passionate about
Finding joy in things is going to be very hard as a person who have been forced into sexual actions. This means you gonna rely on the your past hobbies.
What used to make you smile the past?
Do more of those things, this way you won’t be wasting all your time trying to heal but also improving your skills and becoming stronger from within.
You will have something to accomplish, you cannot heal dear if you stay where you are, there has to be something pushing you forward.
Some changes like competition will push you to see that there are bigger things than complaining about what has happened in the past.
Winning these competitions will get you back on the game stronger than you have ever been, they will give you a purpose to pursue other than stopping your entire life to heal.
Start taking your dreams seriously
Work hard on your dreams and get the life you have always dreamed of. Don’t let this incident ever stop you.
Believe me, the biggest regret is NOT going to be you going through sexual harassment but rather letting it stop you from living your dream life.
Have more resilience than that and start taking those steps toward your dream life day after day no matter what you feel.
Because when you get there you will notice that most of the healing has happened on its own.
The more energy you give to something the bigger it becomes, so give that energy to your work, not problems.
Start watching and reading romantic stories
You need to bring back that spark of joy to have a romantic partner. I know after going through all that you may hate any opposite gender.
This might be your brain trying to play it safe to protect you, remember your mind doesn’t care if you are happy or not as long as you are safe.
So it is important to make sure you are still excited to meet your soulmate, you need to keep believing in love.
For it is love that brings all the joy and hope.
Don’t lose that spark, keep reading those romantic books that make you swoon. Or watch those movies that give you butterflies and excite you.
This is your life, you can choose to hide from it or live it, at the end you will die no matter which decision you make. So make it wisely.
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